The reason I stopped blogging was because I was finding it increasingly difficult to write. I argued that it was lack of reference material as apposed to skill that was so sorely lacking in my writing.
I promised myself that I would recommit myself to the failing cause as soon as I found a subject worthy of my genius.
Thus, upon discovering that I, a more unlikely creature than a hobbit, am expecting a baby, I took a duster to my key board and took another stab at changing the world (or at least those whose social lives have trickled down to an insignificance that warrants the reading of my profound bull shit).
After all pregnancy is a writers dream a single subject containing life changing revolutions, health and well being, romance, Violence (I hear mood swings can get pretty big), Hippopotami and boobs.
It’s a love story, its family drama, it’s a comedy and come the third trimester has great potential for an action ending.
Blast to hell were my rose colored idealisms when I discovered that while the big picture may present itself as a Pulitzer prize winner to the outsider the truth is that journaling a pregnancy is as boring as an oven glove.
There are only so many paragraphs one can write on the increasing pain and size of my boobs or the fact that pure exhaustion is slowly but surely strengthening my believe that woman have been badly done by in the great scheme of things.
Naturally I could resort regurgitating facts or taking the “pregnancy Magazine” approach to the situation and shovel some unsubstantiated rubbish that pregnancy and childbirth is the most wonderfully fulfilling experience.
The fact is that there is nothing fulfilling about feeling like you are permanently hung over or about trying to squeeze your incredibly tender boobs into a C cup that is as of two weeks ago a cup size to small.
No ladies and gentlemen its scary, It might even be funny at times but I assure you “wonderfully fulfilling” are not the adjectives I would have used.
Sobering…. Yes that’s it… Sobering would have been my choice description. A child takes all of three seconds to make you realize that your life up to now pales into insignificance in light of what you now face.
To remind you that no matter how old or stubborn you get you always need your mom.
That family are genetically programmed to love you the most when you desperately need it.
That people still have the ability to surprise me no matter how cynical I am.
And that contrary to my believe Eugene can manage excitement about an event that did not happen in strict accordance to his very well mapped out plan.
On Saturday right after my incessant complaining that my lack of morning sickness is fueling my neurosis Morning sickness pitched up and kicked me in the head.
I spent the whole afternoon feeling like I had endured a week in the company of a very unsympathetic tequila worm.
Eugene had a good giggle at me and proceeded to make it his personal mission to ensure that I get my nutrients despite my protesting digestive system.
Luckily the morning sickness dissipated at around 11pm that night and has as yet not resurfaced.
I intend to loge a formal complaint in the form of a very snotty letter with whom so ever is responsible for naming it morning sickness. This is clearly gross misrepresentation and I object.
I spent much of Sunday putting up the pretence that I am a normal human being and not a slowly inflating atomic incubator, all in the interest of our guest Louis.
I doubt that I was a very convincing and a diagnosis of my poor performance has prompted me to the decision that the next time I am temped to trade under a guise I should chose a subject I know more about and never attach the word “Normal” to its description.
I also made a phone call to the Cape Town Parker sect to share the happy news that my grandparents are to become great grand parents for the second time.
Gran cried as was expected of her.
It also just occurred to me that their first great grand child (the Australian born Tanner) was also born in September.
Either way the cape town branch are incredibly happy which makes us happy.
On another Note Eugene and I have deducted that given both our above average intelligence and exceptional genes, our child is guaranteed to be the most intelligent and good looking creature to ever be born into this world and is destined for world domination.
Hehehehehehe.
Things that I have learnt today
Babies need a lot of stuff. I mean really really a lot of stuff
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