Murphy mamma

Last month I said to the ladies at work that God was by no means an engineer, no engineer would have designed anything as dismally flawed in design and practicality as giving birth, personally I put it right up there with the platypus as prove that God has a sick sense of humor.
None of these ladies thought that was funny and have since taken to beating me with their handbags in the hallways.
I also recall saying that I will only have children when man kind finds a way to skip the stinky sleepy bitchy baby bit and go right to cute amusing toddler.
Then I made the cardinal mistake of saying dumb shit like, “my kids will never” and “I will never be one of those baby obsessed woman”
I had challenged the two most powerful woman in the universe and was about to get brought back down to earth forthwith and with speed.
Sometime in December, under the mask of silly season frivolity, God and Murphy met to negotiated a formidable alliance with one single goal in mind.
One that no single being whether mortal, immortal or ethereal has ever succeeded in, a feet so unreachable that it would take careful timing and two of the most certain laws in the universe in perfect sync to accomplish.
By the beginning of January the was over and I had been shut up (all be it momentarily)

And while I refuse to revise the statements that got me into trouble I will say this.
While god may not be an engineer, I am quite convinced that she is a baker as the human incubation process is one even I marvel at.
And there is a possibility all be it small that I may become slightly concerned with babies.

However I would like to qualify that this is only because I find myself in the dark regarding the current state my body and I are in.
Naturally I did what any self respecting idiot would do and googled it.
Yes my browser has been working overtime and I have visited and read every baby site the net has to offer, problem is I still feel like and idiot because all of them tell you that no matter how much you prepare or how much you know you’ll never be ready.
This then begs the question “why the hell bother to write this crap then?”
This being said I do admit that I have learnt a thing or two.

The first being that how far along you is not calculated from the actual conception date but rather from the date of you last period making me 6 weeks pregnant as of yesterday.
I also found a calculator that estimates my due date at around the 7th of September this year and that according to the Chinese gender birth calendar I am expecting a boy.
I truly hope that some ancient Chinese mumbo-jumbo is more clairvoyant than my sister who is convinced that I am carrying a girl and is as we speak contemplating whether barby and hallo kitty are pink enough for my little girl.

Oupa Hilton seems very excited about having a baby to play with and for some reason I suspect that be it boy or girl it will be spoilt rotten.