Mommy Mommy

All first time Mommies to be are scared.
All fist time Mommies are bound to have lots of questions.
Yes I get it.
What these statements fail to illustrate is the magnitude of fear and questions this first time mommy has.
Unlike other woman I do not even have the basic knowledge most woman accrue during their lives by looking after siblings and babies in the family, by watching friends pregnancies and generally by spending time with woman and babies.
I lack this basic fundament knowledge that most woman are equipped with from the very beginning, because throughout my life there has been a serious lack of babies to experiment on, I have unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) avoided woman, especially the moody hormonal types and the fact that I am the model “Tom- boy” has ensured a total disregard of all maters that puts me in the most remote danger of sounding like a chick.
This beings said and qualified I find myself in a predicament that I am completely unaccustomed to one that requires me to say stuff like “I don’t know”, “I have no idea” and “please help me”. And while I choke on the bile of each of these sentences I find myself thanking the powers that be for less personal forms of communication such as texting that allows me to ask dumb questions of my good friend Zena (who herself recently gave birth to her own unexpected bundle of joy) without the certain embarrassment that comes with admitting that, yes, contrary to popular believe I don’t know everything about everything.

I also find myself agonizing over the fact that I cant ask my mom. Because she does know everything. I need my mommy but I’m too chicken shit to tell her.
I am not alone in this matter either Eugene, while having built a great bond with my mother in their shared interest in gardening, is quite convinced that once the cats out of the bag my mother will jump on her broom an come to castrate him with a sharp rock..

While I realize that I’m 24 years old and have not been dependant on my mother for the last 6 years. That mom will love my rugrat endlessly and will never disown me over this or ask me to be rid of it. Her approval means the world to me and I don’t think I can bare her being angry at me.

I am considering telling her today but I’m scared to death.
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