A poo and a pram

Since Dr Yasmeen saw us and informed us that our darling Thingy will not be arriving on the 7th of September but in fact on the 12th and thus putting my calculations back almost a week. I feel like a terminal at the OR Thambo airport with this late arrival thing and I am taking the news with my usual bad grace.
I am quite ready to meet our little one but since I now have a little longer to wait than was originally estimated I may as well take this time to prove to you how brilliant I am.
While I may still be completely clueless when it comes to all things baby and have a long way to go before I attain any form of super preggie status I have learnt a few things that have basically been my saving grace for the past almost four months.

The first I didn’t really learn as I have always been stingy enough to accept hand me down lunches.
I am admittedly a bargain hunter of note and have been able to incorporate this part time hobby into my fulltime occupation of neurotic mother to be.
Like all first timers we had great intentions of providing our little Lilliputian with every luxury known to mankind. We knew babies are an expensive pass time but people had unfortunately always referred to the maintenance costs such as formula and nappies and never the start up costs. Nor the cost of the coronary bypass we found ourselves in need of after our first little stroll into baby city.
We went in with that kid in a candy store look and after repeating the words shit and fuck me several times (infront of moms and babies alike I might add) we dragged our long pale faces outside.
A week of utter financial depression followed after we made up our minds.
I wanted the pretty wooden cot but I refused to pay tree house R3500 for the damned thing.
Months ago I was under the impression that a compactum was a contraption used to crush cars, I have become wiser now and I want one but I would rather fornicate with a foul tempered cactus before I fork out two grand for the damned thing.
At this point we haven’t even discussed the fact the babies no longer get pushed around in prams but have graduated their mode of transport to an incredibly complicated contraption that can cost up to R6000 and is called a travel system. The producers of this sin agains mankind believe that the fact that its available in bright green justify this kind daylight robbery and the fact that those people who own corsa’s will have to invest in an SUV just to fit the damned thing in the boot was not part of the calculations that took place when inventing their compact folding system and has thus completely escaped the attention of these capatilist Nazi’s.

So in my pursuit of the finer things in life dragged the laptop closer and started typing.
I figured that since babies don’t last forever and no parent in his right mind, having taken out a second bond on his humble abode to provide the essentials for their brats, would have the heart to trash that wooden cot and compactum he’s toddler wanted upgraded to a ferari bed.
And since one moms trash is another moms sanity I searched gumtee until I found that bargain.
I did not pay R3500-00 for my cot I paid R400 for it and while it needs a wash it is perfect.
The compactum thing-a-majig did not break the bank and in absolutely perfect condition Eugene’s mom picked it up at a pawn shop for R1200pm.
I still scan the pages every day because we still need the damned travel system and the SUV that ensures you don’t need to decide whether you should leave the kid or the pram in the parking lot of the checkers sothat you can take the groceries home.
But I can assure you that come hell or high water I am beating the damn system.
I have even started a nice little collection of second hand kiddies books.
My little bargain baby

My second smart little tip spawns from the fact that eating whole brand cereal is like choking down brown paper envelope and. I have tried all of them, the boxes are different but all of them contain a compound of woodchip and cardboard bits, its no wonder you shit through the eye of a needle the moment you ingest the stuff, your body is reacting to a brutal assult by expelling the enemy.
However when you are pregnant, you find that despite being able to poo without assistance for the lions share of your life you have started shitting bricks no more than once a week and in the interim your farts should be registered as a weapon of mas destruction.
The magazines tell you to add more fiber to your diet and suggest the same cereal that you have sworn of because you cant swallow dust.
No shit Sherlock (excuse the pun)
Yet fear not preggies for I have found the solution in snow flakes easy bake bran muffins.
Yes I know easy bake is cheating but your not a mother yet and since you are gonna have 21 years of pretending you love baking for your kids you may as well shut it now.
These little darlings taste great and you can put jam on them. But one or two and the flood gates will open.
Believe me it works and it doesn’t taste like your chewing on a brick.

Anyways that’s me.