our first sonar

On Friday Eugene and myself drove to our first pre-natal appointment with an elephant in the back seat. The out of place pachyderm sat quietly not unnoticed but definitely undiscussed.
Both of us were terrified, excited mind you but terrified. Our quest to become educated about our pregnancy had accomplished little more than to turn us into nervous wrecks.
To one another we were desperately trying to present a positive picture of confidence while in reality we were thinking about what our chances were of finding out that our baby had stopped growing.
Or repeating to ourselves the statistics of downs syndrome or infant deformities, conjoined twins and all the other horrors that prompt e-mail chain letters.
For a moment I chastised myself for refusing to forward those e-mails. Right there and Then I bargained with the universe promising to send every annoying- send this to as many people as possible burnt baby email that enters my inbox if my baby would just please be alright.
Admittedly not all of my fears were well founded or even based on excessive research.
I actually feared that the baby that had been mine and Eugene’s soul obsession for the past three months did not exssist at all.
When I felt anything other than utter shit I convinced myself that I was not pregnant and that I was simply picking up ridicules amounts of weight. When I felt like utter shit I was sure it was an indication that there was something wrong with the baby.
As we drove the tree lined streets to the hospital though it felt like both conflicting fears and a whole array of others had culminated around me and I felt like I was about to puke butterflies.
I appreciated the fact that if that is how I felt Eugene must have felt ten time wore, as unlike me he has a tendency to over think things but he handled it like the big burly pillar of strength I expect him to be. Only the little wrinkles around his eyes belied the fact that his head was about to explode.
When we finally reached the Birchmore hospital in parktown the elephant followed us into the waiting room with the pink door and stomped around in front of us as we waited to meet Dr. Yasmeen for the first time.
We had never met the doctor as I had avoided any contact with any doctor for as long as I remember and I had put special effort into not being accosted by a doctor who chose to major in fannies.
However one of the great necessities of a pregnancy is a presiding gyno whose soul job is often to belay the ridiculous fears of neurotic mother to be such as myself.
And one of my greatest necessities was a gyno who was willing to accept medical aids so after five hundred phone calls in search of this endangered creature we found Dr. Yasmeen and other that she took medical aid we knew very little about her.

After getting the medical aid nitty-gritties out of the way the receptionist issued me with a urine dip stick and sent me to the ladies. It occurred to me then that pregnancy can be defined as a time when your primary concerns are your upchuck reflex and trying not to pee on your hand. But I had long since accepted that there was little dignity in this thing called pregnancy and dutifully squatted at command.
Upon my return to the dr.s rooms with the pink door my way was blocked by a heavily pregnant lady who had dropped her dipstick and was attempting to retrieve it. Like a giraffe at the watering hole her legas were spread to accommodate her colossal tummy in the bend. Her one hand hung onto the receptionist desk and the other groped for the silly stick. I looked over to Eugene who had a twinkle in his eye as he watched the exercise . I considered for a moment helping the poor unfortunate preggie but it occurred to me that I was not inclined to touch stuff I had peed on let alone stuff that someone ells had peed on and besides this was hilarious and since people would laugh at me like that in a couple of weeks I may as well enjoy the spectacle. Finally Eugene and I met the doctor. Dr. Yasmeen is a kindly little Muslim lady whom we both liked instantly.
She asked us questions about our medical history and asked me how far along I thought I was, her and my calculations differed by only a day and I patted myself and my google info on the back
But the fact was that these questions and details were simply a prelude, soon I was lead into a darkened room and my eyes instantly focused on the ultrasound machine. I was weighed and my blood pressure checked and just as I was asked to lie down on the bed Eugene was called in. as doctor put conductor gel on my tummy he took his place behind me and took my hand in his.
Without warning there it was
Perfectly clear our baby
Till today I cannot tell you what I found more memorable. That busy little baby rolling around for us to see or Eugenes hand squeezing mine, perhaps it was knowing that while I cried black eye liner all over Dr. Yasmeens pillow the big burly man behind me was unashamedly crying with me. It was the most amazing moment for us as a couple and I doubt there has ever been a moment in either our lives that would beat that.
Our baby performed beautifully and pushed at the scanner giving us a great view of five fingers and then turned so you could count the vertebra in its back.
We were only slightly disappointed to that we could not find out the sex of the baby there and then but we were perfectly content knowing that he or she is perfectly happy and growing exactly the way it should.

We left the elephant there and drove home smiling like goof balls saying over and over how amazing that was.
Now its real now I know I’m becoming a mom and I can barely wait for our next appointment is “Thingy” a girl or a boy.