“I am rather set in my ways” I have used this excuse for all kinds of things including self indulgence and being a narcissistic noncommittal coward. I am also using it as an excuse for not being fully thrilled about “the magical journey of pregnancy”.
I am by no means playing down the fact that it is nothing short of amazing that people can grow people in their own bodies but I have not been thrilled at the full on assault my body has launched at my docile existence. Everything changes from your moods to your eating pattern and at some point you are bound to look in a mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you.
I realized this morning however that the most significant change that has taken place in my life is the acute sense of self awareness.
My anticipation of certain events has ensured that I am acutely aware of every cramp, every movement, every gained inch and every twitch.
I can honestly say that at 18 weeks with the first fetal movement scheduled I have become an expert on the effect of gas on ones bowel and abdomen. I am intensely in tune with the rumbles and flutters and cramps as I anxiously await that moment when I can honestly say I felt the baby.
And after having mistakenly identified this phenomenon several times I am starting to feel like a hypochondriac. I am crying wolf when I have absolutely no idée what a wolf looks like and its frustrating to say the least.
I recall earlier in my pregnancy trying to define a specific parameter for the appearance of a baby bump to still my fears that my baby has stopped growing.
Or being incredibly worried about the actual existence of a baby due to my lack of early pregnancy symptoms.
Small things like abdominal cramping are monitored for any pain that exceeds what’s described as normal on yahoo answers.
And despite the fact that there is ample material on each small little niggle I have never truly felt completely satisfied that nothing is wrong.
You read that each woman is different each time you research your latest neurotic concern and since you have never been through this before you battle to define what is normal.
Today During a conversation with a college of mine I felt something new, like being bumped from the inside. It had happened for the second time today and I am now convinced that if I can get it to happen again it’s the real thing.
Yet in the back of my mind I fear I may be giving great credit to something as mundane as a fart which takes away from what is supposed to me a momentous experience, and there is always the very real possibility that I am over reacting or imagining things.
On other surprising news. It has to be mentioned that during a discussion with granny Larain this morning concerning babies I think I felt thingy Kick.
Not flutter but kick
I’m not sure it felt real different but I cant be sure it wasn’t just gas and I don’t want to give a fart any fan fair.
Not flutter but kick
I’m not sure it felt real different but I cant be sure it wasn’t just gas and I don’t want to give a fart any fan fair.
job hunt update
In the interest of documenting my pregnant job hunt accurately I would like to account that I attended two interviews this morning one with a recruiter and one with an employer.
My meeting with the employer went off well and they have expressed that they want to hire me starting as soon as Monday, at this point it became necessary to disclose the fact that I am pregnant. Which I have just done in a discussion with the recruitment office who set up the appointment. I am currently waiting for feedback on whether the offer still stands
My meeting with the employer went off well and they have expressed that they want to hire me starting as soon as Monday, at this point it became necessary to disclose the fact that I am pregnant. Which I have just done in a discussion with the recruitment office who set up the appointment. I am currently waiting for feedback on whether the offer still stands
I have no belly button!!!!!
Since the smallest appearance of a baby bump I have consciously tried to conceal it by wearing larger tops and loose fitting clothing, so it was with great astonishment that Eugene inspected his girl friends physique last night when I dared appear in a tank top.
At 18 weeks pregnant two things are quite eye catching. The first being that if it weren’t for my new found love of loose clothing I would look like the product of an incestual relationship between a tellytubby and an umpa-lumpa.
And the second being that I no longer have a belly-button. I used to have an inny that could house a small family and now my belly button in a leveled out spot in the center of my globulous tummy.
The bright side is however that I have great and I really mean great skin
At 18 weeks pregnant two things are quite eye catching. The first being that if it weren’t for my new found love of loose clothing I would look like the product of an incestual relationship between a tellytubby and an umpa-lumpa.
And the second being that I no longer have a belly-button. I used to have an inny that could house a small family and now my belly button in a leveled out spot in the center of my globulous tummy.
The bright side is however that I have great and I really mean great skin
At 18 weeks pregnant I have finally reached the end of my rapidly frying rope. This being said I think it is safe to assume that I have the worst timing in the history of human civilization.
After falling pregnant right after taking on a huge mortgage that we can barely afford, I chose now to start job hunting.
In my defense my desperation for a new job and more importantly a stable income is due to the fact that I cannot see myself or my beloved surviving parenthood and its financial strain when I’m earning peanuts.
I decided to give it a go and I posted my CV on a few portals. To my great surprise I received a fair few responses and started setting up interviews for today and tomorrow.
However I have been faced with the dilemma of when to tell.
Despite my constant bitching I can quite successfully hide my baby bump and after ready five hundred opinions on 6oo web sites I decided that I am not gonna let the cat out of the bag until someone either asks me an undodgeble question or offers me a job.
My first interview was with a recruitment agency in alberton who were doing a very general interview for a few positions one of which I am interviewing for tomorrow. I kept my mouth shut even though I felt terrible about it.
But I told myself that nobody wants to hire a preggie and Id rather they interview me based on my skill than the probability that im gonna drop a baby in their reception area.
The second interview however was not as easy. I really really wanted the job in this one. The offices are close to eugene’s the pay is brilliant and Ill be back into corporate sales.
But the recruiter asked that horrible question
“do you have any dependants” she said.
I was not going to blatantly lie to her because its going to come out and then I look horrible.
So I spilled my guts in the most sellable way possible and I now hope that my honestly is rewarded. If the employer does decide to see me Im at an immediate disadvantage.
But I want it so bad.
Tomorrow Im seeing another agency and a company and I can only hope that that goes well.
Im sorry that my writing is so horrid but the blog has very much become more a platform to make notes. I am hoping that someday I may be able to turn this into a book.
After falling pregnant right after taking on a huge mortgage that we can barely afford, I chose now to start job hunting.
In my defense my desperation for a new job and more importantly a stable income is due to the fact that I cannot see myself or my beloved surviving parenthood and its financial strain when I’m earning peanuts.
I decided to give it a go and I posted my CV on a few portals. To my great surprise I received a fair few responses and started setting up interviews for today and tomorrow.
However I have been faced with the dilemma of when to tell.
Despite my constant bitching I can quite successfully hide my baby bump and after ready five hundred opinions on 6oo web sites I decided that I am not gonna let the cat out of the bag until someone either asks me an undodgeble question or offers me a job.
My first interview was with a recruitment agency in alberton who were doing a very general interview for a few positions one of which I am interviewing for tomorrow. I kept my mouth shut even though I felt terrible about it.
But I told myself that nobody wants to hire a preggie and Id rather they interview me based on my skill than the probability that im gonna drop a baby in their reception area.
The second interview however was not as easy. I really really wanted the job in this one. The offices are close to eugene’s the pay is brilliant and Ill be back into corporate sales.
But the recruiter asked that horrible question
“do you have any dependants” she said.
I was not going to blatantly lie to her because its going to come out and then I look horrible.
So I spilled my guts in the most sellable way possible and I now hope that my honestly is rewarded. If the employer does decide to see me Im at an immediate disadvantage.
But I want it so bad.
Tomorrow Im seeing another agency and a company and I can only hope that that goes well.
Im sorry that my writing is so horrid but the blog has very much become more a platform to make notes. I am hoping that someday I may be able to turn this into a book.
sorry
I know that I have been a dismal blogger lately and I appologise for that, but the fact is that while I am nearing 18 weeks the news on the baby front is scarce and quite honestly I have not been very motivated to post anything funny.
Pregnancy has a way of amplifying every small nigeling little upset into the sinking of the titanik and you are left feeling down right depressed sometimes.
The biggest contributor to the depression is my job and the fact that I just cant catch a break. Clients cancell apointments and laps their policies and I am the ass that sits without a paycheck at the end of the month while the fact that I am pregnant prohibits me from finding a new job.
I cant write about it because I end up crying.
so untill I have some good news thats me bunnies
I'm sure by the end of this post you will be good and confused and quite honestly I dont blame you. This may not make any sense to you right now but its going somewhere for me. I know its not the best written piece I have ever writen but I had to jot it down quickly before it left me.
The zoo keeper stood waiting for me on the street corner. Tapping his feet in agitation and consulting he’s wrist watch every few seconds. He’s name was William and as I inspected the short old man it became clear that he’s parents must have had a sense of humor because William had a tail.
The zoo keeper was not tall, not even by my standards, his feet were big and flat and his big ears were softened only by his unkept white beard and sulky eyes. It was apparent that while he was able to communicate quite well with any form of beast of bird humans were among his least favorite and he regarded me with an instant air of disapproval.
So perplexed was I by the impatient little man and his generally cold greeting that it escaped my attention for the moment that I had no idée where I was nor why I felt I needed to be there.
“Your late” he grumbled at me and he’s frown made his eye brows look like a large hairy worm had taken up residence across his forehead.
I must has stuttered or mumbled something as my mind reeled and searched for words to explain my utter confusion.
Just then a large orange housecat turned the corner, he sauntered in that manner that house cats do and came to sit near the zoo keeper and gave me a rather expectant look that I didn’t understand.
“well did you bring it?” the zoo keeper snapped at me.
I felt the color drain from my face and my eyes widen, “your bag girl, check your bag” he grumbled again and obviously had little sympathy for the fact that my brain had turned to pudding.
I obediently checked my bag, among the usual mess of unnecessary and arbitrary items was a large jar of peanut butter, since I could not think of any reason the zoo keeper may require the use of my lipstick or any reason why the jar was in my bag I pulled it out only then considering what reason the zoo keeper may have to require a jar of crunchy peanut butter from in such an urgent manner.
My retrieval of the mysterious jam jar had not won me any favor in the sullen eyes of the zoo keeper and he glared at me with even less affection then he had afforded me before.
“well open it!” he shrieked “or do you perhaps expect him to do it himself”
I managed “oh yes of coarse” and did not quite master a tone of comprehension while the zoo keeper grumbled “unprepared, unprepared” under his voice.
The cat still looked at me in that asking manner.
I opened the jar and laid it the cats feet presuming that the jar was the reason I was being fixed with that look.
It seemed that presumption had for the moment won through as the housecat took to the peanut butter with reverence dipping his whole paw in the jar up to his elbow and then licking it of.
He rolled on his back with enjoyment savoring every last drop.
The zoo keeper simply waited, he did not tap his big flat feet or inspect his wrist watch he simply stared into space and waited.
I on the other had tried to make sense of the strange place I had never seen before, where had I come from where we were going. I tried to explain my unique companions but nothing came to mind and since I saw no way out of where ever I was and since the zoo keeper and the cat seemed quite confident about their mission I decided to follow their lead.
The cat finished his jar of peanut butter, looking satisfied and full he dragged himself off his back and started to strut up the road in that self important way cats always seem to strut.
The zoo keeper followed plodding on on big flat feet and since it was the only avenue open to and since I hadn’t been told otherwise I followed too.
The zoo keeper stood waiting for me on the street corner. Tapping his feet in agitation and consulting he’s wrist watch every few seconds. He’s name was William and as I inspected the short old man it became clear that he’s parents must have had a sense of humor because William had a tail.
The zoo keeper was not tall, not even by my standards, his feet were big and flat and his big ears were softened only by his unkept white beard and sulky eyes. It was apparent that while he was able to communicate quite well with any form of beast of bird humans were among his least favorite and he regarded me with an instant air of disapproval.
So perplexed was I by the impatient little man and his generally cold greeting that it escaped my attention for the moment that I had no idée where I was nor why I felt I needed to be there.
“Your late” he grumbled at me and he’s frown made his eye brows look like a large hairy worm had taken up residence across his forehead.
I must has stuttered or mumbled something as my mind reeled and searched for words to explain my utter confusion.
Just then a large orange housecat turned the corner, he sauntered in that manner that house cats do and came to sit near the zoo keeper and gave me a rather expectant look that I didn’t understand.
“well did you bring it?” the zoo keeper snapped at me.
I felt the color drain from my face and my eyes widen, “your bag girl, check your bag” he grumbled again and obviously had little sympathy for the fact that my brain had turned to pudding.
I obediently checked my bag, among the usual mess of unnecessary and arbitrary items was a large jar of peanut butter, since I could not think of any reason the zoo keeper may require the use of my lipstick or any reason why the jar was in my bag I pulled it out only then considering what reason the zoo keeper may have to require a jar of crunchy peanut butter from in such an urgent manner.
My retrieval of the mysterious jam jar had not won me any favor in the sullen eyes of the zoo keeper and he glared at me with even less affection then he had afforded me before.
“well open it!” he shrieked “or do you perhaps expect him to do it himself”
I managed “oh yes of coarse” and did not quite master a tone of comprehension while the zoo keeper grumbled “unprepared, unprepared” under his voice.
The cat still looked at me in that asking manner.
I opened the jar and laid it the cats feet presuming that the jar was the reason I was being fixed with that look.
It seemed that presumption had for the moment won through as the housecat took to the peanut butter with reverence dipping his whole paw in the jar up to his elbow and then licking it of.
He rolled on his back with enjoyment savoring every last drop.
The zoo keeper simply waited, he did not tap his big flat feet or inspect his wrist watch he simply stared into space and waited.
I on the other had tried to make sense of the strange place I had never seen before, where had I come from where we were going. I tried to explain my unique companions but nothing came to mind and since I saw no way out of where ever I was and since the zoo keeper and the cat seemed quite confident about their mission I decided to follow their lead.
The cat finished his jar of peanut butter, looking satisfied and full he dragged himself off his back and started to strut up the road in that self important way cats always seem to strut.
The zoo keeper followed plodding on on big flat feet and since it was the only avenue open to and since I hadn’t been told otherwise I followed too.
